POSTCARD #188: DELHI: Early morning in an airport coffee shop space while Jiab is checking-in for her flight to Mumbai. Looking around and up above at this steel glass and tiled environment. Sometimes all I can do is find a quiet place and just sit. Look inwards… it’s an unreal world. There’s this pain in my head, but I have a magic medicine pill that sends the pain away. It’s gone… and a part of my mental functioning gone with it. Where’d it go? I think it went into another room in my head where there’s a party going on all the time day and night. I can hear the music beat throbbing constantly, but can’t recognize the music being played, no worries, the main thing is I can’t feel the pain; besides, it’s more like stress than pain. Sometimes I have no stress at all; sitting alert and mindful like the Buddha. Other times I feel the energy of that stress so strongly it brings attention to the thin membrane separating me from the pain – it could rupture any moment now. Wait and see if it’ll be this time?
Allow all things to pass, continue to sit like the Buddha upright in a chair, quiet and alert to everything that’s going on. A few tables down from me in the coffee shop there’s a teen-aged girl with head and body hunched over her iPhone device all I see is the reflected color glow from the screen on her face. The colour of her eyes sparkle with light that’s continually changing; flashes of blue, pink, and everything goes orange. She is speaking with her friend, loudspeaker on, so she has her hands free to work on the keyboard and smoke her cigarette secretly, and here’s the thing, she’s writing messages on her phone and speaking with her friend and smoking a cigarette, all at the same time. Multi-tasking on social networking FB, twitter, SMS, very noisy texting noise: poo, paw, poo, paw, pee, pay, pay, poo ; digital tones I feel are as sharp as auditory stabs on this frequency that all digital sounds, phone-ring-tones and alerts seem to inhabit.
The voice of her friend at the other end is really LOUD. Must be she’s calling from another party environment similar to the one going on in my head, all kinds of party noises – in fact I can’t tell the difference… what’s happening to me? Is she calling from inside my head? Disregard that thought. She has to shout to be heard: Yeh, I know her, ahna got natheen to say to her, that back-stabbin sawn offa beech. The girl here says something really loud in agreement and they seem to acknowledge this observation as being cool. Maybe I can seek what peace there is in the space surrounding this noise, up to the ceiling structure, the bigger picture, the larger space within which all this is contained, and already the sound of the girl’s phone feels like a tiny diamond or sparkling jewel.
The intrusive lunge of the girlfriend’s voice into my space again brings me back to the way things are; it’s a razor sharp Samurai sword. Language syllables shrill and piercing sound waves suddenly slice my head and upper body into pieces scattered around. The sense of bien-être quivers and gasps in a kind of death. These are the battles fought in the mind.
Jiab comes with her cabin luggage on wheels behind; small oriental, everything compact and a unit of information, we say goodbye at the security line and I make my way back. Out through the crowds and into the car, squeezing through traffic against the flow and wondering why then realizing we are making a sudden U- turn.
The whole landscape is just gone, pieces and parts of objects recognizable from faraway events in history when huge towers tumbled to the ground in seconds, as if all the concrete and steel had turned to dust instantly. The population just can’t figure it out, the psychological effect… it’s too huge. Time to move on from here. Only clouds of dust now, the effect it has on everyone is the same as the metaphor; devastation is all that remains.
If one is a true learner of the Way, one does not search for the faults of the world, but rather speedily applies oneself to attain genuine insight. If one only can see with perfect clarity, then all is completed. [Rinzai]
i appreciate your blog … it’s always inspiring, simple, grounding …
Hey Bert! good to have you visit, it’s been a few years now and we’ve exchanged ideas a lot, so I can say that this blog has developd as a result of these discussions with you and just a few other people. Thanks for all your comments
A JUDGEMENT ON JUDGEMENT
What shall we make of our life?
A worldwide sightseeing tour
Or else a fault-finding mission?
For we shall never find a fault
Beyond those t’was we defined?
Interesting, fault-finding and finding fault in, never really getting out of the definition. So what is the nature of this particular defined Fault? Must be that which affects ‘me’ and all the other ‘mes’ which we have defined. Take away the ‘me’ everywhere and the ‘fault’ is free of its definition and judgement, yes Ben, if only. Thanks again for your insight.
Nothing novel. 🙂 Simply continuing the interesting thread in your post.
I like this idea: “A worldwide sightseeing tour” the answer to what shall we do with our lives… it is a sightseeing tour after all:-)
Sometimes we miss what’s in front of our eyes.
It’s true because we’ve already decided or inherited these views, received opinions on what’s ‘right’ and ‘not right’. Can’t see what’s in front of our eyes unless we have an awareness of it all (the whole thing) and an insight into it so we can see what to do.
Something we have to learn.
Amazing how, even in the midst of pain (somewhat alleviated) and stress, you still sculpt emotion into insightful poetry and prose. Take care.
Thanks for these supporting words. There’s a tightness about everything right now. A process of elimination of unnecessary material (chipping away at the block) until the form emerges from the stone or wood or material that becomes the sculpture…
for the pain to return
from where it came 🙂
I have to try to get this pain to feel comfortable with itself…
Why is it so hard for us to stay focused and separate ourselves from the noises and the confusion and the pain around us, within us? We know how, we know why, we know we know but sometimes we can’t allow ourselves that simple ease. It’s just out of reach, just out of earshot, just out of the question. Thanks for sharing this.
Hmmm… all kinds of stuff buzzing around in habitual comparison with present experiencing; better than/worse than. So sometimes you have to think what’s going on here? And the mind stops for a fraction of an instant there because it’s been seen, caught in the ‘act’. This is it exactly. Thanks for dropping in Rich.