‘server not found’

dreamstimefree_26288_3OLD NOTEBOOKS: Here in our new place in South Delhi the internet speed is really low at the moment so I called the technician and he said it would be okay tomorrow for sure, but right now they were working on the line near to where I am. Okay, thanks, bye-bye and hang-up phone – that’s it… the devastation of no internet. How can I just say to myself, well you can read a book or something? We are internet-dependent beings, without internet we become kinda unstable… and I remember writing about this feeling before. So I spend some time looking for it in my drafts folder. There was a storm at the time too and I find it in the Search box, using ‘storm’ as a title, et: voilà! It felt like all the unearthed electricity in the air, had given my internet server a boost just at the crucial moment and ‘server not found’ was actually found:

Switzerland: Just before the storm started I was having this internet upload speed problem; trying to get a post into Publish but not enough oomph for it to go. I try again; waiting for it to slowly come up with the WordPress site to click on the upload button, but stuck again. I start to take it personally, caught in thinking this is ‘bad.’ And, pretty soon, it gets blown out of proportion, turns into a small crisis, like a fire burning down the house. The intensity of feeling is incredible. This is what a very low internet speed can do. Am I in withdrawal? Focus for a moment, just there at the desk, feet flat on floor, watch the breath, stop the mind, and suddenly I’m in an empty space, surprised to discover it was that quick! And without the wandering thoughts, there is just silence! Just the physical awareness of the body, comfortably seated with this inactive thought process like its engine has given up and it’s immobile. I could hear the storm really loud around this time; lightning and thunderous bangs and crashes across the sky – a perception of vast distance.

It’s like someone in the floor above has gone berserk, pushing over huge pressed steel cabinets and metal desks, metal oil drums, BOOOOM, BADAAANG, and a small silence in between, then the echo of it returning from a long way away in the immense space of night sky. Still sitting at the desk in the violence of the heavens and the room is brightly illuminated by a flash of lightning very close, followed immediately by another overwhelming CRASH. The lights go out, and for a moment I’m thinking the sound is the bricks and masonry of the building tumbling down.

I fall to the floor in a crouched position to protect the head and then up from there quickly out to the front room, and exit by jumping over the balcony from our place on the seventh floor? No, can’t do that, look around, no damage I can see. The flap of wings as birds roosting on the balcony rail are stirring a bit, but they’re not really getting in a tizzy about this. If the buildings were to fall to the ground, no problem, they’ve got wings and can just fly away.

Back into the room, waken up the computer and I get a connection right away, loading completed immediately. And that’s the story of how I got this post written in a room full of flashing lights like a Press event taking place and uploaded no problem – harvesting ambient electricity? The sounds of war and bombing raids; the noise of it was colossal, somebody said later it’s because of the Jura mountains reflecting the sound and the lake resonating like a huge sheet of metal; an area of about 500 square kilometers.

‘The first noble truth says simply that it’s part of being human to feel discomfort. We don’t even have to call it suffering anymore; we don’t even have to call it discomfort. It’s simply coming to know the fieriness of fire, the wildness of wind, the turbulence of water, the upheaval of earth, as well as the warmth of fire, the coolness and smoothness of water, the gentleness of the breezes, and the goodness, solidness, and dependability of the earth. Nothing in its essence is one way or the other.’ [Pema Chodron]


23 thoughts on “‘server not found’

    • Thanks for the reblog Sue, I find the title is a bit of a challenge now that it’s all done and dusted, and wondering if readers and browsers might think it means we can’t find that page right now. Maybe I should’ve given it a slightly different title…

      • True, and I’ll never know. On the other hand those who are curious about the term: server not found, might enter it into google in an idle moment and come across the post. But the response to it has been good, I think it may have a lot to do with your re-blog on your site. So thanks for that…

      • It is odd how such things work out. Your post reminded me of the almost-nightly summer storms in Vichy and how loud they were, echoing in the circle of mountains. Back then, I simply stopped everything to watch their grandeur. These days, I would probably be at the computer…

      • Yes, you must know the strange acoustics of a thunderstorm situated in a substantial land mass, rather than in a small skimpy little group of islands like the UK – geographical terms only 🙂
        Same here in Delhi, middle of a land mass, you really do have to sit up and pay attention…

  1. I love your wonderful description of the storm and wish I could experience the majesty of such an event. I have, of course seen many storms here in the UK but nothing as powerful as you describe. I am 47 now and remember the days prior to the invention of the internet. We where, I believe in some ways happier, not so obsessed with technology. Having said that, there is nothing wrong with technology, the problem comes when we allow it to become the master rather than our servant. Kevin

    • Thanks Kevin, yes I was a bit surprised to notice that thunderstorms in central Europe sound different from those heard in the UK. It could be a very much larger land mass that reflects the sound, I don’t know.
      And yes I agree with what you’re saying about our pre-internet days-gone-by. It might be there’s less peace and thoughtful writing today because we write as we speak, more or less, by way of email and texting. The speed of it is what we take for granted and for some people the lack of that facility is devastating…

    • It’s the Worldly Dhammas… fire is hot because that’s just the way it is etc., and everything is as it is because that’s how it is! Reassuring in a world of vague comings and goings 🙂

  2. Pingback: It’s part of being human to feel discomfort | Zen Flash

    • I suppose it was also something about the apartment there on the 7th floor and it was on top of a small hill too, high up from terra firma then when the thunder starts you think of things like the lightning will strike the building and we’ll all be burnt. Then later I found out that all these tall buildings have to have a lightning conductor built in. But anyways, yes I can imagine you embracing the storm as I see in some of your poetry and greatness and power of nature. Wonderful, thanks…

  3. I know your pain. We live in Pune which is on a plateau in the Western Ghats. Every day we flick the switches on and off to bring the wi-fi back online. I’m American and don’t speak Marathi or Hindi. I called another provider but the man didn’t speak English so hung up on me and turned off his mobile. The connections are usually slow. I have a Tata Docomo Photon stick and they keep hiking the monthly payments on it. We get the pre-monsoon storms here also. Service from the local electric company seems to go off whenever the rain starts. We often have a day of load shedding on Thursday. Sometimes we have some unscheduled load shedding. 🙂 — Suzanne Joshi

    • Hi Suzanne
      I have the problems you describe here in South Delhi. You can’t help it; wandering off in thought about those who possibly manipulate the system to gain a relatively small profit but, because it’s a pluralistic economy, it can mean quite a substantial profit. It may be that I’m proliferating here for some reason and it’s important to have one’s thoughts in order here – there are so many invitations to feel a bit hurt. Being a foreigner in Delhi in a confronational society, can be warlike sometimes. You have to fight in traffic, fight in bargaining for a good price, and take it all in a cheerful manner. Yes that’s difficult, I tend to not engage with it. The Buddhist way is compassion, awareness of how you might hurt yourself with negative thinking when the load shedding occurs and you have to put up with only one fan squeaking round slowly in the middle of the hot season. Most of all, it’s a battle with yourself to stay calm…

    • It comes as a shock doesn’t it, what can I do now? Maybe it’s an opportunity to just be free of it all and return to our own state of being at that moment, sitting at the desk or the sofa, washing the dishes – oh no! There’s usually enough light to find your phone or something that gives a little light and go and sit down and wait…

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