tipping point


IMG_3184POSTCARD #220: Chiang Mai: A long story short is that I fell, gravity got me, it gets us all in the end – flactured lib, the X-Ray man said, with poor pronunciation, in a Chiang Mai hospital. They took me home, but later that night I was having such an awful time sleeping, family members took me back, I had an injection and spent the night there. The ‘self’ is a sensory experience; everything I see, hear, smell, taste, touch, feel and think; cognition is a sense that responds to stimulii received through the senses. I inhabit a simulation.

Not possible to see it any other way – well, it is possible, you could see it another way but it’d just be ‘another way’of seeing the same thing. A dream-state set in the context of my being awake… There’s something about this that’s obvious, so clear and evident yet, again and again, when I look for it, it’s not there – the answer I seek is difficult to find because by seeking for it I create the state of seeking, and this makes it difficult. What happened? I’d had in fact, two falls; the first was straight back-over past the tipping point and down, crash. My PHN headache meds have something to do with that.

The second fall was some hours later when, getting up too quickly from the lying down position, then in slow motion; forgetting about the pain in the lower back, attempting to allow for that in mid-air, and the whole thing came down, collided with some hard-edged furniture on the way  … and that’s what did it for the rib.

So now I’ve two problems, one is the headache that returned, the returnee from some time ago carrying with it the strong pain meds; two is the fractured rib and mysterious, discovered bruises and scrapes. The disorientating pain meds for that too. I tread carefully, the world is a dangerous place… mindfulness is necessary. If the ‘I’ construct isn’t what this is, what is it, then? I can change the pronoun from ‘me’ to ‘it’ but it’s the same thing only there’s an ‘it’ that recognizes ‘itself’ everywhere.

“The apparent reality of the mind, body and world is imagined with the thought that thinks it. In other words, the constructs of thought, that is, the beliefs we have about the mind, body and world – are only real for thought itself.” [Rupert Spira]

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48 thoughts on “tipping point

  1. More pain! You seem to have been having more than your fair share in recent months. Reminds us to be humble I suppose. Unfortunately understanding can only do so much.

  2. I must say that the quote by Rupert Spira captures very well what you’re describing. But now there is the ‘old’ reality again of pain with which you have to deal.. so i’m glad to read you’re seeing through it all and i feel compassion for you having to go through all the pain.

    It’s a weird thing to know that something is illusory of some sort and yet very prominently present. I’ll hold you in my prayers tiramit, take care and stay strong!

    • He’s so good, precise and can articulate the tiniest details of the situation. There is this illusory view of the world we cannot quite free ourselves from. I’m hoping the injection on the 5th September will put away the pain for a while.

  3. A few weeks ago I stood up too fast (it’s an Old Man Thing), fainted briefly, and regained consciousness just in time to enjoy the full impact with the floor.

    I got away easier than you- my ego is what suffered the biggest bruise- but I know how scary and unpleasant these things can be.

    I wish you a quick recovery!

  4. Most people are unbalanced… not with their bodies… but psychologically.
    We empathize with your pain. My wife goes (soon) for botox injections for her neck dystonia; she recently got steroid shots for sciatica pain in her hip. My cervical spurs are constantly bothersome… but the mind is good at not focusing on that. We, with pain, are a lot luckier that those that are psychologically twisted (and don’t even know it)!

    • Well I believe it’s steroids that are mainly in the cocktail that’s injected. After the effect of these are no longer any good, there’s nerve ablation, then surgery. You’re right Tom, there are all kinds in this world, some who have lost the plot completely – count our lucky stars we’re not in that strange position, many others who are convinced they’re right and don’t even consider for a moment they’re completely wrong…

  5. Well that has certainly pulled the rug out from your reality T ! So sorry you have to go through this pain and deal with the side effects. With the healing on one thing may the other also abate. 💛

  6. Oh, so very sorry, Tiramit. Falling is so scary. I came crashing down this summer and sprained my ankle in two places. The same ankle I sprained a few years ago. Pain, pain and more pain. The 29th can not come soon enough. You’Lloyd get your shot and feel better. Meantime take care and especially with the pain meds!

    • Reminded of gravity, yes thanks Ellen, it is kind of catastrophic in all kinds of ways. Sorry to hear about your poor ankle. I had to postpone the injection until 5 September because of my flights.

    • Thanks Dalo, that’s really very encouraging, particularly, “working through it like you are made to do.” It sums it up, there’s a low in confidence, a doubt that it’s possible to heal and that’s how the mind makes it worse. I appreciate your words.

  7. Hello Tiramit, hope the shot has been helpful, and you are on the mend. The body’s silent powers of rejuvenation are completely amazing to me, as if it has a mind of its own. Despite our surface mind’s dodging here and there all the time, as soon as the rib is struck, the recovery operations begin. I have found a new therapy recently through my wife’s journey called Bowen Work. I don’t know if you’ve heard of it. It is a system of very light touch that is intended to “trigger the body” to take a look at things in a fresh light. That is my paraphrasing, and is wholly inadequate, but basically the touch stimulates a fresh investigation of something, and the body just does its thing from there… healing as fully as possible subject to constraints upon the system.

    Anyway, your post just made me think of what is remarkable, and how at the same time can so cage us when it is in pain. Hoping, as I said, that you have found fresh relief.

    Peace
    Michael

    • Hello Michael, yes the shot has shifted away the headache and I’m back in normality again. It’s better this time because I know what to look for, the first time around it was all a mystery and a great deal of confusion. This time I noticed the difference almost immediately. Interesting to note that the doctor treating me for the headache also understands the fractured rib situation but cannot give me an injection for that because it’s nearly impossible locate the point of pain. I like what you say about recovery: as soon as the rib is struck, the recovery operations begin – I found that to be very encouraging.

      I’ll look into Bowen Work and hope to be able to benefit from this new attitude I have to do with recovery and healing and relief from pain…

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