thank you for five years

POSTCARD#273: Chiang Mai: Woke up this morning and it was my birthday, go gently into that septuagenarian world and remember there’s gravity, mindfulness is a necessity. I’ve been here since Tuesday, wandering around these rooms looking for words… unfamiliar with the aloneness, and all this enclosed empty space. Just ‘me’, mirror reflection of the world out there, in some form or other. Consciously aware of it sometimes, other times not. There’s seeing, hearing, smelling, tasting, touching and cognitive functioning – the all-of-the-above option, an all-inclusive experiencing of awareness receiving itself. What I don’t know is assimilated (we are Borg). Walk to the window; look out (no ‘out-there’ out there separate from what’s in ‘here’). Go back, sit at the desk for a while, look at the laptop monitor, the keyboard… write something, get up and walk around again.

Then I’m off downtown in a tuk-tuk, engine noise and wind in the face blows away all thought. What is the story so far? My niece M reached the age of 13 and now she is an elongated stalk, turns sideways and disappears. Taller than her mom by one inch – but, looks to me like M remains the same height and her mom is shrinking away, squeaky voice nobody pays much attention to. M still calls me Toong-Ting, the foolishness of it insists on dignity. I feel like I should have something wise to say… there’s no self, or there’s only the ‘self’ appearing in the awareness that’s here and has always been here “Pretending you’re not “it” is exactly the same as “it”‘ [Alan Watts]

You could probably say the illusion of self is part of what the whole thing is about… an all-inclusiveness, buy-one-get-one-free acceptance and given over to the care of a Higher Power, Brahman, God. Or whatever it is that carries meaning; the optimum reality, selecting the data that fits the theory; looking for the story that makes it all make sense. Hard to say, for me, it’s not there, unless I focus on it being there… maybe that’s just what it does.

Culture is a link that needs to be updated all the time and if I’m not in that culture, the software isn’t updated. More than thirty years living with other people’s preferences, and only returning to how I choose to live my life when there’s an opportunity. As the years go by, one forgets what some of the original choices were, and those are replaced by some of the more recent familiarities.

And there’s this blog and all my blogging friends and their friends, and I’m really so glad to know you. Thank you for five years of

‘Wandering through realms of consciousness like a refugee, thought looks for a home. Thought thinks that perhaps by clinging to this or to that, it can find a home. In this way, thought forms attachments with names and forms, with concepts such as “is” and “is not,” “self” and “other,” “me” and “mine,” and with emotions like envy, pride, and desire. It is the mission of thought to form these attachments in hopes of finding a home. Thought wants to own its own home.’ [Thought Is Homeless/The Endless Further/ 2012 July 16]


25 thoughts on “thank you for five years

  1. Congrats on your five year run, and Happy Birthday, if you celebrate such things.
    Thank you for so many thought-provoking posts, insightful wisdom,and for all the sharing and writing you’ve done.
    We in the blogosphere are fortunate to have you.

    Seek peace,


    • You’re right, not much to celebrate, I don’t drink, have to be careful about food, and get exercise. I celebrated by walking around the town, once in the morning and once in the evening. Just being, that’s the celebration, and we all do that. For me, it’s so good to have this connection with members of the blogosphere and thank you Paz for dropping in from time to time. Gratitude

    • A reasonable question I suppose it’s to do with focus, and doing the arithmetic to find out my age is a construct I have to focus on. There are other constructs to focus on and focus constructs. Thanks Tom for all your comments and observations, they have helped me get the picture…

      • Hmm yes I noticed. You know I’ve sometimes been amazed by the observations contained in your words, fractal pictures too. Then stunned by the comments made by so many visitors to your blog who have something to say about the colours or whatever, mundane, and completely not seeing what you were writing about. I’m going through a new list of blogs I follow and it’s reciprocal of course, so if there’s any sign of stuff I don’t think is worth saying, I drop them from the list right away. I’m hoping, bit by bit, I’ll have a group of interesting bloggers. It’s the only way…

    • Thank you Eliza, it seems to have gone so fast, time is just slipping away. I’m so glad to have this blog and all my friends out ‘there’, or is it in ‘here’…

  2. Happy belated 70th, T! I’m just 4 years behind you. Started taking 1/2 my husband’s Social Security this month to hold off taking my own for a few more years, since I’m still working as a private practice psychologist. I am so glad as I read this post today, that I learned from your current post that you are feeling so much better! And congrats on five years of blogging! I’m not sure how long I’ve had my WordPress now but not nearly as long. Keep on keeping on!

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