death and divorce


POSTCARD#335: Bangkok: The sad truth about the West, is that divorce is about as common as marriage. Religion got deconstructed; the story came to pieces, no belief, no myth to feel directly connected with, except perhaps the myth of no-myth. We’re married to the economy, worship the consumer god, seek refuge, gratification, fulfilment and consolation in the purchase of goods and services. What’s left over after that, in terms of belief, we have to figure out any way we can.

It’s a world of our own choosing – for better or worse, wedded to the belief in a concept, no more. Here today, gone tomorrow… but it can take many years to wake up and see it for the illusion it is. Sadness, loss, but no one to blame, think forgiveness, wellness and the honesty of living in the world while waking up to it. Who am I? Who is the one who seems to inhabit this place? And a ‘self’ slips into view, flimsy, insubstantial ghostlike being. Life looking in through the eyes, input/output, and the experience of this room, inside-out, this space that contains the sensory apparatus I believe to be ‘me’ appearing in an agreed-upon reality.

Borderline cat burglar, a master of disguise, the skilled actor is one who’s had to lose his/her identity through necessity (hereinafter called The Party of the First Part), becomes an expert in taking on a ‘self’ that fits into context… a suitable arrangement. The ‘me’ I live with now, is not the ‘me’ I was then – more than 30 years since, a ‘self’, seen in the shadow of a dreamed-up past, the divorcé in mourning for a family lost in death and divorce. Mourning over that which was started but left unfinished, abandoned through forgetfulness.

One signature and all of it annulled, lineage discontinued. No time to say goodbye to my adoptive family who had all welcomed me, the in-law, into their hearts as a brother and son. I like to think they wished me well, in fact… I’m sure of it, but gone is gone, empty spaces in the fabric of my life. I am the one who went away and forgot to come back; since then, wandering through the overwhelm of many years in Asia, and the ruins of a life I lived once.

The absence of this person or that person, heard about years later, passed away a decade ago already mourned, forgotten even. My ex-mother-in-law gone from this world, her husband, Pops, gone too. How could I have let this happen? Remembering, there’s-no-one-to-blame, forgiveness asked-for and given. Forgiveness asked-for from those we thought to be blameworthy. Forgiveness to ourselves for bearing the burden of applied blame… forgiveness is our mantra throughout the day. Forgiveness, said in a whisper of unvoiced consonants, over and over.

Today I am willing to see past illusions to the truth. Today I am willing to become as a little child and be taught by the One Who knows. Today I step back and take my unhealed thoughts to the Light, that I might see them for the nothingness they are. I am willing to let my projections be undone. I am willing to remember Where I am always. Today I am willing to be happy, instead of right.

[Forgiveness Prayer: A Course In Miracles]


 

14 thoughts on “death and divorce

  1. Big smiles at the mention of A Course In Miracles, I am re-reading this amazing book of truth for the second time.. And digesting much more than I did the first time in reading it..
    Loved reading your words… And this line sums it all up really.. “It’s a world of our own choosing – for better or worse,”… Free-Will…. to choose and make choices… and learn that what ever choice we make, it’s our own personal responsibility to accept the consequences..
    Love and Blessings..
    Sue 🙏

    • Thanks Sue, I’m so glad to know you’re working with ACIM. I started in leaps and bounds then someone suggested ‘The Disappearance of the Universe’ by Gary R. Renard which is related to ACIM and I read most of that book but lost the focus I had at the beginning. Then the amazing thing is, the ‘Forgiveness’ prayer just appeared in the writing of this post. So this will be familiar to you and if you have any pointers that can easily come to mind, please let me know – gratitude

      • Sorry for the mix-up, I replied to you thinking you were Sunny – her comment is here too. So, now I see, it was the karma of our parallel discussions that led to your ponderings – are you also suffering a shattered memory glass, something precious in your memory gone and forgotten?

  2. I love your concept of “the myth of no-myth,” this strongest belief masquerading as non-belief underpinning the wholesale dismissal of religion of which we here in the US are so fiercely proud. As my zen master is fond of pointing out, when the most well-intentioned among us start sifting through centuries-old belief systems to try to cherry pick that which is of value and separate it from that which is not, who is the gatekeeper that discriminates? Well, what do you know, it’s Ego yet again, rearing its beautiful head to muddle things up and substantiate its own existence. The “value” isn’t inherent in the traditions, rituals, and lineages, it’s in our relationship to them. As always, a very thought provoking (or thought REvoking) post. Jeff

    • Good to hear from you Jeff and thanks for this thoughtful comment. Reminds me, ego takes many forms and the myth of no-myth is a perfect example. It could only happen in a population who have no experience at all of life in Asian societies (where most of the worlds spiritual beliefs originate). So they gather bits and pieces of this and that, supposed to be a hybrid, and the hierarchies of oppression to provoke and revoke and social behaviour, social control takes the place of religion. Pay your taxes and there you are. Pretty scary, but I’m not from your part of the world – not sure exactly how I’d fit in. Thai Buddhists offer me shelter, the rest is about the honesty of living in the world while waking up to it.

    • Thanks Val, ‘forgiveness for being only human’ seems to me to be a worthwhile contemplation. The ACIM ‘forgiveness’ just made its own way into the writing of this post. I hadn’t planned to have it here…

  3. I so relate to the once-in-laws that we/they let go hands we once held. More exes than you have I, I’m sure. This union, the best of all, suffering from the debilitations of age. And sweeter, perhaps, for all that came before. What self I have has shimmered with time to she whom I hardly know, but all is well.

    • Hi Shielagh, you might have noticed I replied to Boozilla, thinking it was you – ‘must be the karma of the Chiang Mai Care Home discussion still hovering nearby 🙂 How are things going? Send me an email when you have time’. Glad to receive your comment and figure out who is who.

      Divorce and the injuries given time to heal as years disappear. There was only one (estrangement?) in my life and it was me who ‘she’ divorced – there’s legal language for that and I can’t remember, not paying the necessary attention. Mind was somewhere else at the time, wandered away for a year in India and when I got back, the place in my memory file was demolished, dusty ruins. Decades later I woke up, too late to make amends, ‘what self I have, has shimmered with time’ and all is well as it is with all of us who’ve survived the bonds pulled ‘asunder’.

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